Deep Down
by Sam-453
Summary: Max is suspicious. What if Logan lied to her about how he discovered Manticore? Follows from 'before the dawn'. Ignore my first note, this wonderful site dealt with it!
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: ****i don't own it, you know it and i know it.**

**Note: My computer descided to be stupid, so some of the words on the ends of lines run on instead of going to the next line. It's not my fault.**

**Note 2: this takes place a while after freak nation and includes a lot of stuff from the book 'before the dawn'.**

**Other than that- please review! and enjoy!**

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**Deep Down**

Max sat starring out across Seattle, her mind racing with suspicion of a man    she    had not doubted in a very long time. This train of thought had been triggered    when  Max had mentioned the first time the two had met. She had said something like

            Y'know, if you hadn't found out about Manticore from some random source, and realised what I was, none of this would have happened. A perfectly innocent remark, but the effect it had on Logan confused Max. From the moment she had mentioned the random source, he had not met her eyes. He had quickly changed the subject, talking about work. Max didn't bother to ask what was wrong, because she knew already that she would not get a straight answer. She soon left, unable to stand his suddenly jumpy mood. 

            So now her memory was writhing, forcing her to think of a time not all that     long ago (although it seemed a lifetime) before she met Logan, before she met Cindy, before she ever even came to Seattle. It had been the first time Max had ever taken an interest in Eyes Only. She had seen a news report, showing a video clip of a young man, only slightly older than her, fighting of several police officers almost... playfully. She had known almost immediately that it must be one of her sibs. The report said    that this was supposed to be working with eyes only in Seattle. That is why     she came. She eventually met up with her brother. It was Seth,  just as she had thought. At this stage Max tried not to continue the thought, but a   tear rolled down her cheek as she was made to recall the very first time she climbed  to the top of this tower, and the first time she had ever really resented her enhanced hearing.

            Max was now wondering, thanks to Logans odd reaction, if perhaps he had     not discovered Manticore through some random source. What if he had found out in   some other way? What if the news report hadn't been as wrong as she had thought?   Even though Max had no proof of this, she felt hurt. She trusted Logan more than any-one else on the planet. Why would he lie? By the time Max's eyes and cheeks were   red from tears, she had realised that there was only one way to answer  these               questions.

            Max called for once as she entered the house. Her current mood  did not allow for her usual game of seeing how high he jumped when he noticed her       presence.

            Hey, Max. Logan still seemed uneasy. Everything OK? It was now Max's turn to avoid eye contact. She had no idea how to say this. Wordlessly they moved to  the couch. Logan sat, but Max just perched on the arm. Logans eyes were searching. He really had no idea what she was going to say, did he? She thought. Then, after       several failed attempts at starting, Max finally began.

            Logan, we need to talk.

            OK, yeah, I got that. They both laughed shortly.

            I'm sorry, she sighed. I'm just not sure where to begin... It's just, I noticed   that you went all weird when I mentioned your anonymous Manticore source earlier.  Logan looked shocked, and immediately went into defense mode,

            Weird? No. How? I was just busy. A sure sign that there was something      hidden to protect.

            Logan, don't. Please don't. How dumb do you think I am? Max's doubts      were hardening, and the burning fist of hurt in her chest was growing. There's              something you havn't told me. And I'm wondering if its to do with something I heard   ages ago, something I ignored because of how you told me you found out about     Manticore. Logan now looked stricken with genuine confusion and grief. He had       never meant to hurt Max, that was now clear even to her, but she continued.

            About two years ago, before I came to Seattle, I had reason to believe that     one of my brothers was in Seattle, and involved with eyes only. Logan had gone very pale, but he finally got a word in.

            Why? Which brother?

            My brother Seth. I saw a news report about him fighting police. They said he was connected to you. She was now searching Logan's face. He looked shocked, she concluded, and worried.

            He muttered, You've never talked about him.

            I try my best not to think about him. When I found him, I only knew him for an   hour, tops, probably closer to half that. Max was fighting back tears. She could   never understand her reaction to thoughts of Seth. She didn't tear up when thinking  ofBen, or Tinga. Maybe it was  because she blamed herself for what happened to Seth. But then again, she herself had killed Ben. Max snapped back to reality, Logan was    speaking.

            ...from an anonymous source because I didn't know you when I said it. I         thought that if I told you about Seth it would... I dunno... scare you, I guess. Max slid onto   the seat of the couch.

            So you did know him! But why would that scare me away? Now Logan        looked terribly sad, drenched in guilt.

            Because, god, Max, I'm so sorry. I think he's dead. Max turned away, and in a barely audible whisper, she answered,

            He is. I know he is. The shocked look was soon back,

            How? I mean I just...

            I was there when he died. In a way, it was my fault. Logan reach out,            touching her covered shoulder, Max flinched with the shock of his touch, knowing the risk.

            Max, I'm sure it wasn't your fault. But how did he die? Max still didn't move a muscle, the only part of her body she was really aware of being the shoulder he     was touching.

            He fell. Kinda, on purpose. Logan shook his head, he didn't understand.       We were on the space needle, Logan please don't. You know what will... She            shrugged the shoulder. Logan slowly removed his hand.

            Sorry, I didn't even think. Max now continued,

            Lotsa bad guys. He'd been shot, not seriously, but enough to slow him  down.He fell off the edge, but i threw him a rope. While i was trying to pull him up, we       both heard the elevators come up, meaning Lydecker had arrived." Logan was            alarmed, but he did not interupt,"Seth then said everything through his eyes. He         wasn't gettin' away with those injuries, but he would die before returning to Manticore. So  he let go." The tears were now flowing freely, but Max did not sob. Logan now wore a look of dawning understanding.

            "So he did die that, like i thought, and Lydecker **was** involved." Then to Max, "But how does that make it your fault? I mean you didn't shoot him! And he was only there because of me. Thats why i didn't tell you. I thought you would hate me if you   knew i had sent him to his death." Max rolled her streaming eyes.

            "Don't be stupid. Seth wouldn't have gone if there wasn't something in it for    him. Lemme guess, you wanted him to save the painting, right? Well he was there for the money, trust me."

            "Still Max, how the hell is it your fault!?" Logan almost shouted, his tone totally disbelieving. After a long pause, Max said, 

            "The man who shot him was only there because i didn't kill him when i had     the chance. And believe me, he deserved it. A moment of weakness on my part, killed my brother." Logan had no quick retort to this, but eventually,

            "You have no way of knowing that that would have changed..."

            "Logan, if he was dead, I'm pretty sure he couldn't have shot Seth!" Logan        suddenly realised that although Max was upset, it seemed to be more about Seth than  the fact that he had kept things from her, which started him thinking,

            "Who shot him?" Max's head snapped up to meet Logans gaze.

            "What?"

            "Who shot Seth? And why should you have killed him before that night?"     Max's eyes dropped and she focused on nothing.

            "His name was Kafelnikov." She managed to whisper.

            "Kafelnikov? Mikhail Kafelnikov?"

            "You know him?" Max asked, a little too innocently. Logan knew now that   Max already knew the answer to that question. His look tolded her as much. Max       sighed in resignation.

            "Leader of "The Brood", a big gang of mudda f*ckers in LA." Max recited,     "Kafelnikov was the nastiest piece of work i have ever encountered, and that's             including Lydecker, Renfro, White and everyone i've dealt with for you." Logan         shook his head slightly, confused again. I thought this guy was smart, Max laughed to herself.

            "Why the vendetta against Kafelnikov?" He asked. This time Max answered     immediately, but quietly.

            "He killed a lot of people i cared about. People i would have given my life for." Although Logan didn't fully understand, he realised that he was stumbling across a whole chapter missing from his knowledge of Max's life. She continued, "And worst of all, i found out about it on TV. Two days after it happened." Max laughed shortly, grimly, "In fact, you told me." At this Logan was sure that he knew what she meant.  But it made no sense.

          "The Chinese clan?" Not really certain whether it was a statement or a queation, Max nodded anyway. "How did you know the Chinese clan Max?" Logans tone         suggested that he had already half worked this out too, but didn't believe it. So Max   nodded again.

            "Because i was one of them, Logan. Thats how i knew 'em, they were my        family."

           Max sat in silence, her cheeks tearstained once more, with no attempt to hide it. Logan again had a comforting hand on her shoulder, wearing a glove, she had          managed to laugh at that. But all in all, the last hour or so had been very painful. She had told Logan everything there was to know about the score she pulled the night       before she left LA, her conversation with Moody, her decision, leading to the              comforting lie to Fresca, her later dealings with Kafelnikov, and lastly, how she killed him.

            "Max, if its any comfort at all, I think the kid, Fresca died real quick. If he was the boy in the foyer, like you said, Then he was killed by the explosion used to          pentrate the doors. I doubt he felt anything." Max nodded slowly.

            "But he's still dead. An' it doesn't change the fact that he was only 13... god, I hope he didn't hate me before..." Logan gripped her shoulder harder, trying to make   her face him.

            "Don't be ridiculous Max! There would be no reason for him to hate you!"

            "Except that i told him i'd come back, An' i never did! Not even when they     need me most!" Now Logans voice reached a crescendo. Frustrated at Max's tendancy to blame everthing on herself,

            "You didn't know! There was no way you could have known!" At this moment, Max wanted nothing more than to hold Logan tight, to find comfort in his arms and  rest on his shoulder. The burning feeling in her chest that had long ago subsided, was returning, but now it was a feeling of longing, so hot inside her that it was almost a    physical pressure. But Logan would never know any of that, and she would not risk it. Her feelings for him would never allow her to. Instead she said,

            "I should go. I have to check in with Mole and everyone. Y'know, make sure Alec isn't screwing anything up, stuff like that." She forced a smile. Logan returned it, but the expression didn't meet his eyes. Max turned quickly, angry at the tears that   were spilling, again! What was wrong with her today! She dropped into the sewer      passage which ran beneath the house that had once belonged to Joshua's "father"        Sandeman, and set out for Terminal City. Max still couldn't believe that although T.C was surrounded on all sides by everything from protestors to national guard on the      surface, they still hadn't thought to block off the sewers. Idiots, she thought.

            When Max resurfaced into Terminal City, She found herself looking up the    barrels of various guns. She raised her eyebrows at the owners and they lowered the  weapons. One held out a hand to help her up and, stuttering like crazy said,

            "Sorry Max, we didn't realise it was you. just a precaution y'know, i'm sorry,"

            "Hey, cool it kid. Theres no way you could tell it was me or anyone else til they come up. Everyone comes up to this, why the heck should it be any different for     me?" She laughed shortly. It always cracked her up how some of them treated her like a general or something. Too much Manticore exposure, she decided. "Alec?" she asked. The guy pointed with his gun. Max looked, and rolled her eyes. Guys just never    change, do they. "Hey Alec! leave that girl alone. We got work to do, and besides, if  she talks to you for much longer, her IQ will like, halve!" The young X6 giggled and blushed from ear to ear. Alec recieved Max's greeting with a whithering look. Max       grinned at him, but just like Logan's smile, the expression was nowhere to be seen in her eyes. Very few people would notice this. A life of loss fear and pain meant that   Max was an expert at consealing her emotions. But Alec, much to Max's annoyance, was one of the only people capable of reading Max. What he now saw in her eyes     wiped the playful expression off in an instant. He followed Max towards the buildings, but before they reached the door, Alec pulled Max to the side, out of view and earshot of everyone else.

            "Whats wrong?" He demanded. His voice told Max that he knew she wasn't    planning to answer.

            "Huh? Alec, stop screwing around." She managed to make it sound genuine,   but to her own anger, she could not meet his eyes. Alec was just one of those people. She could play around with him, or insult him, but Max found that it was incredibly   hard to lie to him. He wouldn't let her turn away, pulling her back, he repeated,

"What's wrong Max?" Getting frustrated now, Max yanked her arm out of his grip and spat back,

"Nothing! OK? I'm fine! Is that really so hard for you to believe?" but tears    were welling up in her eyes, and she couldn't turn quick enough. A minute later, Max found herself collapsed on the ground, Alec's comforting arms around her. He still      didn't know what this was about, but he cared for her, Max realised this now.             However immature and sarcastic he acted, he would always be there when she was in a jam,

"Thank you." She whispered as she sobbed into his embrace.


	2. Safe and strong

Chapter 2

Max sat up on the space needle again. Since the siege had begun, Max had had very little time to her self, so she's barely been up here. But the last couple of nights she hadn't been able to stay away. After the conversation with Logan, when she awakened memories of the first night she came up here, she had to return. Max scooted carefully towards to edge, peering down to the ground over five hundred feet below. Max closed her eyes as the scene replayed again.

_…The elevators dinged behind her… she looked down into Seth's eyes and they both knew what was coming… a moment later she knew what he was gonna do about it… 'Sorry, Max.' he said as a tear escaped his eye… and he let go… Sterling's screams all the way down…and Max just reached out in vain to her brother who was already gone…_

    Max opened her eyes slowly, and dimly realised she was reaching out into the nothingness. She lay down, right there, on the very edge, sobbing once more. She knew the slightest movement might tip her over, and to be honest, she wasn't sure that she'd care.

            Wrapped up in her own little world of misery, Max didn't hear the footsteps as they approached. The newcomer walked tentatively, eyes wide at the scene before him.

            "Max?" he managed. She didn't answer, but this close, he could hear her tear soaked breathing, and a sob now and then. He breathed a sigh of relief- she was alive. "Max." he repeated gently, reaching out carefully. She flinched as he touched her arm, but didn't turn, or fall. "Max, it's me." He said. She rolled away from the edge, where he bundled her into his arms, "It's ok." He whispered against her hair, "It's ok, Max." She leant into his embrace, and cried until she could cry no more. 

            When Max was capable of speech again, they were sitting side by side, his arm firmly holding her to him. She was fine with that; he was warm, and comforting. She rested her head on his shoulder looked out over her city.

            "Thanks." She whispered to him for the second time that day. He shook his head,

            "Don't mention it." Max snuggled closer. For once in her life she just wanted to feel cosy and safe. She didn't care about not showing weakness, or holding her 'I need no one' image. This man made her feel safe, he made her realise that the world did still go round. She smiled to herself, _he always manages to do that._

            "So… you ok?" he asked. Max sniffled,

            "Yeah. I will be." She said no more, and he knew it was pointless to pursue it. Max sensed that this was why he didn't ask. Almost a half hour later, she spoke. "It's a very long story. About my past… things that happened before I even met Logan… some of it before I met Cindy. I… I was talking to Logan bout something, and it came up. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since." He said nothing. "Do you know why I come here?" Max asked him.

            "To be alone. That's what you told me."

            "Yeah." She smiled. "Well, to think, anyway… not long after I first came to Seattle, one of my brother's died here, along with a whole load of other people." He was shocked,

            "What happened?" She shifted to look up into his eyes, and saw genuine curiosity. She wasn't going to tell this story again just for the sake of it. She took a deep breath, and recounted the events of that night so long ago. He starred out across Seattle, saying nothing, with a vacant look in his eyes.

            "Alec?" she asked. 

            "I heard about it." He said quietly. "There were rumours going around the base… I think Renfro mighta started them- she hated Lydecker. People said that Lydecker had allowed one X5 to commit suicide, and let another escape. Apparently he ignored a young soldier when he told him that he'd seen a girl up here. I guess that was you."

            "Yeah." Still looking at him, Max could tell there was more. Alec could feel her eyes on him.

            "The other part of the rumour was that it was the same girl Lydecker had been looking for in LA." Max stiffened. Alec hung his head, so it _was_ her.

            "Please tell me you weren't…" she gasped.

            "No. God, no, I'd have refused if I had been asked. Screw solitary, ha, screw psy-ops, I wouldn't have helped him do that, Max, I swear." Max drew a sigh of relief. Alec continued, "I didn't hear much about it… after. They killed them all, didn't they?" Max nodded slowly.

            "All of them. I wasn't even there!" the tears came again. "I left nearly a month earlier, Alec! They didn't even bother to find out if I was there…" He squeezed her shoulder.

            "It wasn't your fault." It both annoyed and comforted Max how he could understand her so easily.

            "I still wish I'd been there. I coulda gotten some of them out." Alec shook his head slowly.

            "He had so many men there. You'd have been caught, Max. And they would still have died. There was nothing you could have done." He said it so simply, so calmly, so truthfully. Max leant in to him again, wrapping her arms round him too.

"Thank you." She said again. Alec smiled softly. His mind was a jumble of thoughts. He had always presumed that life out here had been so much easier. But Max just kept proving him wrong. They'd had choices, they'd had freedom, but they also had the knowledge of the truth about Manticore, meaning that Manticore was not afraid to show it. Out of the thirteen that had escaped, he now knew that Max had seen at least three of those siblings die. He also knew that Lydecker had killed one a couple of years ago when she resisted capture, and caught another a couple of years before that. Max had told him about Brin and Zack too. He counted it up. Granted that he had no idea what happened to Brin after the escape, he made that four dead, two (including Brin) captured, and Zack just gone. That left six, including Max, still out there, unaffected by Manticore. That did not mean, however, that they were not dead, or captured by someone like the 'Reds' Max had told him of. Then if you add the thirty odd people she'd lost at the Chinese clan… Now and then, Alec had seen Max's periods of sulkiness, or crying, as weakness. Now he knew the truth. Max had seen and felt at least as much pain as he had over the years, and she hadn't had Manticore to brainwash her into the belief it didn't matter. She'd had to deal with it full blast. And on top of that, she had been caught. Some nights Alec had heard her scream. Renfro did not go lightly on the re-programming torture. So now he just held her close as it occurred to him that she was actually probably one of the strongest people he had ever met, and something else… he loved her for it.

Note: despite how that just ended, I don't think this will turn into a Max/Alec story. I don't really know cos I haven't written any more yet. I'll see. I'll put more up as soon as I can. Please review with ur thoughts or any ideas u have!


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